I'm writing this in 2022, more than 6 years after the founding of EC and this release.
There are reasons i don't want people to pay for my first few releases and those are, for starters, the quality of the music. There are definetely some decent ideas here and hints of my style developing, but it's bad.. the production is bad, the samples are bad, my musical knowledge was really bad, etc.
Another reason is the content itself and that is due to me being severly depressed (still am, but i deal with it way better), having tons of internalized transphobia and homophobia (the former centered mostly towards myself), grappling with my identity and all the undiagnosed and otherwise untreated issues i slowly came to be aware of...

All this led me to a constant state of self-punishment that led me to seek the most extreme things i could (kind of how i got into extreme metal and noise), which in turn led to a desensitization. I watched, thought and enjoyed things i'm not too proud of, but it also slowly made grow into what i am now, still enjoying extreme stuff, but not sacrificing empathy for it.
The thing i feel is most shameful from this release is the album cover, not just because of how garbage it is, but actually because it was made from a leaked nude and, at the time, i didn't feel anything for the person, the human, whose privacy was violated and shared and i was using for my own garbage. At the time i took it a bit of as a point of pride like "look how hard i am". I told my friends and my partner at a time and i don't think anyone reacted in the way a decent human being would. Not me, not them (which also says a lot about who i was hanging out with).

Nowadays i still keep it public and i've told a few people, but it's basically from the angle of looking at how much of an idiot i was and as a reminder that i need to grow. Because at the time, it's not that i was even a misogynist or a bigot in general, i was already pretty far left and progressive, but i was both ignorant and an edgelord. I was a 15 year-old (16 at the time of release) and i clearly wasn't doing well.

I'm proud of my growth, even if i still have a hard time dealing with myself, i'm starting to like the woman(-ish) that i've become and i'm becoming.
I keep this here because i think it's important to not hide who i was, my history that nobody cares about, but that has brought me to where i am now.